Shuffling Along

The slough of depression has flowed early this winter and I’ve had a hard time shuffling forward through the grey. Twin feelings of being overwhelmed and inadequate ride heavy on my shoulders. Tuesday was my lowest day: Only the presence of four dozen Tunisian Flex hooks needing to be buffed and written on pulled me out of bed. Why is it that a person can be exhausted and yet lie awake during the long wee hours of the morning?

We weren’t able to get away for a couple days to the coast as we’d hoped, too many orders coming in needing to be made, no time to close shop. Hooks, spindles, needles and hairpin lace looms continue to be churned out by Ed. Unfortunately I don’t seem to have the head for keeping things straight so make countless notes and lists. End of the year bookkeeping is glaring at me waiting to be tackled. One thing then the other turn my attention just as I’m organizing papers and pulling up figures.

Two things have been remotely interesting: reading and spinning. Spinning is soothing and satisfyingly tangible. Reading is pure escapism. I forced myself to start knitting a pair of socks using the Monkey pattern, but wouldn’t you know it, one needle strayed the day I started. I was babysitting at Faith’s house. She was napping when a salesman came to the door. In my rush to get rid of him before he woke her unwittingly dropped a #2 dpn and didn’t realize it until that evening when I picked up the ball of yarn. (And yes, she was woken by the loud doorbell which put an end to a peaceful afternoon.)

I am so thankful for the Tuesday women’s fellowship. We had a long, focused prayer time that I believe has started a healing process. While there’s still a heaviness I’ve able to work on have a bit of a more positive outlook, focusing outward more, and making myself do one chore then the next. I even have a desire to play the violin again. (I’d gotten to the point of thinking I should sell it as well as all my music and fiber stuff.) I also keep looking at the loom and cones of yarn wanting to weave but wondering what to weave.

Thursday I’d heard my cousin has been placed on hospice care. Don is eighty and has been dealing with Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. I went to visit him and his dear wife, Z, who spends every afternoon with him at the care center. I took the violin to play for them and sing hymns together. I’m grateful for this small gift I could offer for music does have a way of lifting a person’s spirit. Z is so faithful and loving, remaining cheerful in the face of these daily visits of more than a year as her husband slips further and further away from her.

Ed bought me a video/still shot camera since our digital is almost 10 tens old and starting to have some problems. Trying to wrap my brain around more new technology had me practically shunning the thing but I’m slowly figuring out how to use it and upload to the computer. I’m still not adept at editing the photos with the new software so here’s a couple basic shots. The Spring Lace Prayer Shawl is shown being blocked. I’m very pleased with how it turned out.

It’s my tradition to make cinnamon rolls, with a splash of orange oil in both the dough and the icing, the day before Christmas letting them rise once before forming the rolls then putting them in the refrigerator for the next day. I took them out at 4am and turned on the heater so they’d have plenty of time to warm up and finish rising for breakfast. Warm, decadent, gooey goodness.


Don’t you think these grey days of winter call for more sweet rolls and other comforting homemade breads?


Author: Wanda J

I never dreamed my life would be entangled with fiber and the tools used to produce fibery items. When I bought a boat shuttle used in weaving Ed looked at it, decided to make a better one and the rest is history. For a decade he made shuttles, crochet hooks, knitting needles, until his spindles became so popular that he had to devote his time to making them, as well as Walking Wheels. Free time is spent reading, trying to coax food from the ground, and playing in the creek near our place. I love long walks and camping far from crowds. Playing a fiddle beside a stream or with good friends brings sweetness to my soul. Sundays are set aside for worshiping God with our small Quaker meeting.

19 thoughts on “Shuffling Along”

  1. Bring on the orange/cinnamon rolls! I’m got the Monday morning blues and they sound suspiciously like your own. I know the dark winter season affects me. More sunshine please!

  2. Owww Wanda…big HUG!

    This winter is one of those dark depressing ones, and I’m sure that it hasn’t helped any, on top of everything else.

    That is a truly beautiful shawl that you have made.

    I am getting hungry just looking at those cinnamon rolls, yum yum!

  3. You and me, Babe…. what’s that phrase? You’re singing to the choir…? you know what I mean.

    I nearly fainted at the Beauty of the Spring Lace Prayer shawl… that’s a LOT of lace!
    Having not had breakfast yet, those cinnamon rolls with the orange oil??? MY FVOURITE! I found myself reaching in to accept one :^)
    Holding you close, I always do but sending extra special hugs, the happy yet soothing kind, thoughts of peace to you.
    We will get through it.

  4. well, I also wanted to comment about your playing your violin for the folks at the care center… music is just so powerful, stimulating yet soothing… and so connected with our memories,eh? and I think that even if they’re not able to remember specific memories… that hearing the music just may give them the essense of the memory and give them comfort and joy…

  5. Wanda, this seems to be a tough time of year for all of us – the slow down after the holidays, and the dark, grey days are, I’m sure, the culprit. I try really hard to get myself outside, even if it’s only for a few minutes, when I feel like this. The air seems to help, even if the sun isn’t shining.

    The prayer shawl is sooo beautiful! :0)

  6. Sorry to hear about your winter blues. I’m glad to hear you have some soothing activities to get you through, and I hope you will soon be feeling better. Those cinnamon buns look absolutely decadent. And your shawl is stunning. I don’t really suffer from seasonal blues, but I know that any time the sun actually shines these days, I want to immerse myself in its warm rays, like a cat. I feel so much better when the world around is bright. I know full well how gloomy the west coast winter can be. Prayers and hugs for you.

  7. Well, ma’am, if you were here, I’d take you to the kolache man’s, and you could eat one of his gi-normous cinnamon rolls and watch me flirt with him. And if we were really lucky, we could catch him singing in the back of his shop as he rolls out the dough.

    Music is amazing in its power to soothe, comfort, and inspire. Many years ago, when I had three kids under 6 and their father was working 350 miles away for a couple of months, I taught myself to play the recorder, and every night after family prayers I would sit in the rocker in the living room and learn simple, slow songs.

    Sending you big hugs from TX. Here’s hoping that tomorrow is a sunnier day.

  8. I feel for you and that horrid seasonal depression. For the first time in years it hasn’t reached me. I am so thankful for this. Perhaps it is my impending wedding and all that invoves which is keeping mmy mind busy and free from all those negative thoughts that contribute to a bout of depression. As for selling all the things which make you, you, well, the mind is a powerful thing and I am so glad that the violin was used so purposefully. Music is a wonderful medium, so pleased you could soothe your cousin and his wife with your talent. I have designed some socks and that has also pleased me no end, I have never designed anything before and getting positive comments is always a help. Take care Wanda, have a virtual hug…this depression must surely pass soon. x

  9. Winter is starting to get a grip on me too, the days are so grey and depressing !
    I’m so glad I am going to learn how to spin ! Although I’m afraid that I can’t stop if I get the hang of it 🙂
    Your Spring Shawl is very pretty, I just love the color. It reminds me of the sea and the summer !

  10. Oh, Wanda — big hugs! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the winter blues and blahs, especially with that awful bookkeeping task hanging over your head. I’m so glad you held off on selling your musical instruments; they are so much a part of you that I know you’d miss them almost immediately. I know what you mean about feeling distanced from that comfort when you’re down, though — I went through a couple of very bad bouts of postpartum depression, and thought I’d never play piano again. Hang in there, and if it helps, think of all of us out here whom you’ve inspired and who are thinking of you!

  11. Oh my, I can relate all too well, and my prayers are with you for His light to lift you up! I am currently pushing myself to exercise every-single-day ’cause it seems to help with all sorts of things.
    The shawl is simply magnificent, and I won’t even comment on the orange rolls, given I’m halfway through a liver-cleanse diet and am only drinking tea today!! Have a blessed, blessed day.

  12. Totally off-topic – Wanda, I tried sending an order this morning but it got bounced with the message “mailbox is over quota”. I’ve asked my elf to try sending it again soon while I’m away; just wanted to alert you.

    Hope you’ve had some more of that sunshine…

  13. Hugs to you, Wanda. I know all too well those feelings of overwhelm and inadequacy! Spinning is perfect for those times, and applying the balm of Gilead liberally.

  14. Oh Wanda I do sympathize with you. I just hate those ‘black dog days’ when its hard to see the positive side of things and all things are such a chore. I agree that spinning is such a sooth at times like this and I hope that things will improve soon. I doalso think its the time of year for feeling like this . Big Hugs to you from a wet and misty Wales

  15. You know what, Wanda? You’re great!
    There is always so much here on your site that is worth reading and uplifting and inspiring, and that wouldn’t be there without you.
    I wish you well.

  16. Oh I am sorry to hear you’re down right now. I think it’s the time of year as so many people seem to be feeling the same. I wonder if it’s just these dark winter days and we’d all be OK if we moved nearer the equator?! Hope the blues lift soon for you.

  17. Hang in there Wanda… i’m thinking good thoughts…and saying some prayers to send your way…may you find some peace today, and find a place where you can smile ~ even if for just a moment.

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